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Comments
Veterinarian clinics are so weird, imagine if you want to the doctor's office for a broken foot and you see another sick guy in the waiting room and you start fighting him.
Never use “corn dog” and “corn hole” in the same sentence.
I watched a movie about a little fish with cancer, have you seen Finding Chemo?
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
John Lennon
I think he absolutely nailed it there.
A lot of conflict in the old Wild West could have been avoided if nineteenth-century architects had made their towns big enough for more than one person.
Yay!
If I had a dollar for every woman that finds me unattractive, they'd find me attractive.
I wish I was as thin as my patience.
Driving on the freeway yesterday, I had to admit to myself that I’m not a fast-lane kind of girl. Not on that highway and not in life. That’s not saying there isn’t a scamp lurking in my heart. (Yes, I used scamp - learn it, love it, live it.) I drive the lane next to the fast lane. Their insanity keeps me on my toes.
When drivers fly by me as I comfortably cruise myself from point A to point B, I don’t have to see the smug-as-shit smile on their faces to know it’s most certainly there.
Some reasons for that fast lane? Johnny Law; ambulances saving a life; the chronically late; the teenage boy loaded with testosterone; the old lady who might or might not be shitting herself, hoping to make it home. Every one of them becomes, from time to time, the Bandit to everyone else’s Snowman. I see it every day. A visible shift in car speed around me to draft Speed Racer. That idiot runs interference and springs the traps. I don’t participate as such, because one isn’t free and clear to pick up the pace without a care — oh no. Situational awareness must be engaged if a person decides to take advantage of Dirty Larry or Crazy Mary.
What’s stealthily coming up behind? And who is entering the freeway off to the side? That’s not saying my foot doesn’t get a tiny bit heavier, but I follow a guideline I heard an ex-cop say on the radio about speeders:
“Nine your fine, ten your mine.”
Meaning, nine miles over the speed limit, he didn’t bother. Ten over? He’d light you up. And while this might not be part of every officer’s personal oath, it seems reasonable. And me, the hellion, will increase my speed 3 miles per hour over the limit to feel that bad girl adrenaline. Yeah, eat my dust. In a responsible and safe manner, please and thank you.
I’m the same way in the world. The quiet rebel who will put 15 items on the 10 item lane. I’ll take two mints from the restaurant basket. I will use my old lady super powers anywhere I see a wrong that pisses me off. That’s seriously fun.
I like to think of myself as a little teeny bit something wicked this way comes, but I never take it to eleven. So, maybe I just harbor wicked in my heart, next to the scamp who whispers, “Take a nap. Dream of eleven.”
My favorite exercise? Running out of snacks.
I made a website for depressed tennis players, but the servers are currently down.
Authorities have found a 66 million year old pile of vomit. DNA sample proves it’s from Keith Richards
I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already