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I think my house is infested by chameleons, but there's no real way of knowing.
I hate when people mix up your and you're, there so stupid.
My high school was a median division sports team. But occasionally for fun and experience, our football coaches would arrange play with higher division schools. One opportunity, we traveled to a school that was ranked one of the best in the state, and one reason why was a bruiser of an athlete that played for them. He was big, strong and fast. Write-ups in the paper. He was a star of high school athletics.
My husband was on the team and told me that on the bus ride to that game, the strategy and main goal was to get that kid taken out of play immediately. Apparently our coaches had little faith in their squad of rough and tumbles.
So, the plan was to line a very brave player across from him. And the coach told him, “Before the snap, spit on his hand.” And that’s exactly what the kid did. It took a few plays and impressive loogies, but eventually, he got pissed! That final big blob of snot landed on this powerhouse of testosterone, he came up off that line and creamed out our guy. Wiped him out flat! Thankfully (and lucky for the coaches) he wasn’t hurt. And the objective was achieved. The kid got thrown out of the game. We got spirit, yes we do?
We didn’t win, but it was close and our tiny school could walk away proud. Or, proud-ish. No one was privy to the spit play which might have changed some hearts and minds.
This little story meanders me to this: In today’s climate, I see a lot of “spitting on hands.” We keep thinking that finally, a line will be crossed and people will get thrown out of the game when they come up off that line in the sand, but it’s not happening. They just keep moving the line. Somewhere inside, I keep the faith that the line — threadbare, dirty, faded — will hold, no matter how embarrassingly tattered it is. I’m trying to believe that.
So, sometimes spitting is needed and required. Keep spitting on hands, people. Reveal the play as many times as needed. Bring them up off that line over and over and maybe eventually we’ll have a hundred monkey moment. Unfortunately, these are really stupid monkeys, the bottom of the barrel, but I would think that they would get tired of being shit on.
Remember, when they go low, spit. (Metaphorically)
Go team!
I was once picked last for solitaire.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan
It’s amazing how many Wheaties models became professional athletes.
My teacher told me my dyslexia would mean I'd never be any good at poetry, but I've made a jug and a couple of vases so far and I think they look great.
If someone hands you a colonoscopy probe, you probably won't like the answer if you ask them what you're supposed to do with it.
You can make a Linkin Park joke if you want but in the end it doesn't even matter.
If time is money, does that mean ATMs are time machines?
I just paid $4 for a gallon of 2% milk, I can't imagine what it would have cost if it were 100% milk.
What would happen if Tarzan landed on the Planet of the Apes?
I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn't like it
I went on a silent meditation retreat and got kicked out for rolling my third eye
I don't care how wonderful the hand soap smells, you should never walk out of a bathroom smelling your fingers
As the man of the house, what I say goes .... and what I say is, "whatever you like, honey."