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Comments
So is it "For fuck's sake" or "For fuck sake", because I'm writing a work email and it needs to sound professional?
My half-brother and I are no longer allowed to play with chainsaws.
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
Just found out I’m 100% Swedish, my blood type is AB BA
I've managed to develop the skill to melt an ice cube with my mind, which takes about two hours, but it's a very real thing.
In this household, we regard the term stainless steel as a challenge.
In order to hold down costs, this year the Easter Egg hunt will use Faberge eggs.
I would already BE in the Passive-Aggressive Hall of Fame if SOME people would just nominate me.
I like to read the transcripts of audio books.
I’m taking steps to get over my irrational fear of escalators.
Jokes about communism are only funny if everyone gets them
Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.
I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions, because, what’s the point?
Only thing the rumble strips on the side of the highway are good for, is to wake you up to see yourself wreck your car
Welcome to Subway, where we turn your sandwich into an interrogation: "what bread?" "what cheese?" "you want lettuce?" "confess now!!"
When I see lover's names carved into a tree I think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
Never apologise, Never Explain! Sorry, that's my motto
The only thing you get free of charge is a dead battery
The movies make it look like putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is really romantic; the cop who pulled me over didn't think so.
She was just a moonshiner's daughter but I love her still...